the poem about Green

My twitter bio claims that I'm a "warrior poet." 

This is a poem I wrote in the height of spring this year. For some reason, I was inspired to post it now.

every green thing is worshiping You                                             

            leaves and needles shimmer like                                       

            faraway stars when the wind runs by
branches and even entire trees that                                             

            don’t seem to have a proper place                                    

            teach those who will see how to praise in their own unique                     way
and the green we don’t often notice

– moss, algae – are examples

of your steadfastness and gentleness       

the insects green                                                                  

          Your vim and creativity                                                       

those greens some call weeds are

Your ceaseless pursuit after man’s heart

and the greens wrapped up tight,

tucked away in light
refracted by water and precious stones                                       

          on earth, by dust in space are

          a glimpse into Your mystery                                               

Turn our ears!                                                                                  

          For of new life found in You 
          green is whispering

A mere mortal

From the City of Angels

Livin his dream

the one about Creativity

"In the beginning, God created..." - Genesis 1:1

In the letter that I believe God wrote to us (the timeless story that assures us that perfect love ultimately wins over all evil), the very first thing He tells us about Himself is that He is a Creator. And before that first chapter closes, He has created beings -- humans -- in His own likeness.

The only beings also capable of creating.

Nature certainly worships Him in various ways, but our creativity is the offering that only we can offer for His glory.

When we explore our creativity, we are exploring our capacity for worshiping the Creator.

And I realized that I had been unwittingly withholding my best creativity from Him. For a long time -- way too long -- my creativity was filtered, edited, even defined, by what other people would think of it. Namely, what my parents would think of it.

Of course, people generally don't want to disappoint their parents. But I made most of my creative decisions based on a lifetime of avoiding their disappointment and disapproval. Some of this thinking was rational, deriving from childhood and adolescent experiences. Much of it was just an accrued approval addiction.

Bonnie Miller Katz, MFT, has a column for actors. In one post, she advises, "If you are constantly trying to prove your worth to someone else, it means that deep inside you feel that you are not enough. When you put too much weight on others' opinions, you will always be their prisoner." 

Your inner artist is like a young child. That child cannot play (read: create) truly and freely without feeling safe to do so. As a creative, the opinion of "should" -- imposed by self or others -- often is a dangerous trap for your artist child. Katz says, "Don’t get stuck on what you think you should be doing, feeling or thinking." (I would add "where your life should be by now.") "If you find yourself saying should more than want, you’re on someone else’s path, not your own."

In The Artist's Way, author Julia Cameron expounds on the shift to being spiritually dependent:

"Remembering that God is my source, we are in the position of having an unlimited bank account. Most of us never consider how powerful the creator really is... We decide how powerful God is for us. We unconsciously set a limit on how much God can give us or help us...

God has lots of money. God has lots of movie ideas, novel ideas, poems, songs, paintings, acting jobs. God has a supply of loves, friends, houses that are all available to us. By listening to the creator within, we are led to our right path... Very often, if we cannot seem to find an adequate supply, it is because we are insisting on a particular human source of supply."

Maybe you insist on a human source, too. It's gonna run out. I insisted on the voice of human approval. 

Maybe you perceive a voice:

A friend's. A sibling's. A boyfriend's.

Society's. Church's.

The voice of your own perfectionism.

You can't create for them and also be free.

You can't.

You can't.

Your creativity will always be their prisoner.

You have to create for the glory of the Creator within.

I realized that I assumed the perfect Creator was just like my imperfect parents. My relationship with Him ever-so-gradually became about staving off a huge screw-up, about fearing cosmically and infinitely disappointing Him.

And He's not about that.

He is for you. He is not against you.

He loves you.

He loves your creativity.

He gave it to you.

You and your art are enough because He is more than enough.

You have to create for the glory of the Creator within.

A mere mortal

From the City of Angels

Livin his dream

the one about Running

Last week, I did a very #soLA thing:

I ran the LA Marathon.

All 26.2 miles. It was nuts.

For me, everything was deeply meaningful. (Even the course was significant. The first three miles start off in my hood, then it goes right by my church, and then launches off into my mission field. Pretty cool.)

I ran to raise money for a human trafficking rescue. What I got back was an explosion of the words of Paul inside my heart, yielding a dozen or more unanticipated spiritual lessons. Here are some select lessons that really came to life for me...

You have people cheering you on.

On the course, I saw familiar faces from the charity at mile 6. I had two friends along the route at miles 11 and 12. Also, my parents were able to record a five-second video that played on a large screen with speakers when I was dying at mile 21.

It was so special, so truly encouraging.

Not only that, but there were thousands of strangers along the way cheering, holding signs and banners. Many of them spent their own money to offer runners orange slices, bananas, pretzels (and Vaseline!).

On your spiritual journey, YOU have people cheering you on, too. 

Some are people you know, some are people you knew.

Some are people you never knew.

But they are watching. And cheering.

And they care.

They care about you running well.

About you finishing strong.

When the road in front of you looks too steep 

or too far 

or too freaking painful 

Close your eyes, and listen to the cheers.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. - Heb 12:1

***NOTE*** There will always be people celebrating with you at the finish line who know nothing of your journey or what it cost to arrive there. Resist the temptation to resent them and their absence when times were difficult. You may acknowledge their ignorance to yourself, but appreciate their efforts to rejoice with you.

Don’t pay attention to the doofus in the banana costume who is beating you.

If you've run very many 5- or 10-Ks or half-marathons, you know that there is always this guy. The one dressed up as a banana or a cow or Barney the purple dinosaur.

Whatever. It's annoying.

Especially because that guy's joy is being out in front, making everybody laugh (or roll their eyes) while they tail him and his silliness. And it's so easy to let that guy get to you or distract you.

If you pay attention to him, you will not run a smart race. You will not focus on your own game, and you'll spend a ton of physical and mental energy trying to pass him up.

Here's the thing about that guy: have you ever seen some bozo in a banana costume breaking the finish line tape? No. Never happens. He never wins. So what's the point in paying any attention at all?

In this industry especially, comparison kills careers. Comparing your passion project to someone else's sideshow can only break you.

In our faith, Satan loves to throw us off-track with the unimportant. Put your eyes where they need to be. Keep them there, no matter what.

We [run with endurance the race God has set before us] by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. - Heb 12:2-3

God is your shade and refuge.

In training for this race, I almost always ran at dusk as the day is cooling off. I was nervous about this run beginning early morning and then getting hotter throughout.

And with good reason. It was one of the hottest LA Marathons on record.

Really, the cloud cover was nice and the temp wasn't too bad until, oh, mile 16 or so. *rolls eyes*

At that point, chances to run in the shade became unexpectedly invaluable to me. I noticed a huge difference in the amount of energy output under the hot sun versus the energy needed to keep pace in the shade. I kept thinking of Jesus offering "rest for your souls", a "yoke" that is not harsh or hard, a burden that is so light. I also thought of the psalmist talking again and again of the shelter, shade, shadow, and hiding place found in Him.

Are you running in the sweltering heat? Struggling more than you need to? The shade is just three feet to your left.

Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. - Heb 6:18-19

You are an overcomer.

I'm a pretty positive person. I can struggle with self-doubt just like anyone else, but rarely do I get swallowed in negative self-talk.

Nevertheless, "overcomer" and "more than a conqueror" were kind of just nice words on a page, motivational when spoken, inspirational when prayed.

Until I had 1 mile left in the LA Marathon.

I'd been running for well over 3-and-a-half hours at that point. Just six months ago, I could not have even fathomed what this would feel like. I was hot. I was exhausted.

But I knew I was going to make it!

I knew I was going to finish. 

I could see the crowd in the distance and the bright orange Asics banner over the finish line, and Mandisa's "Overcomer" played through my earbuds. The Scripture had never felt so real. It was true and truly incredible.

Because of Christ, YOU are an overcomer.

Don't stop. Don't quit.

Don't give in.

Press on.

Run.

You are an overcomer.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. - Rom 8:35, 37

You’re good enough because God’s grace is sufficient.

I don't have a long-legged runner's build. In fact, I don't really have the perfect build to be the world's best in any sport. Sure, there are sports I enjoy and am more suited for, but I'm never going to the Olympics in anything.

Nor would my parents have wanted that for me, growing up. They always wanted my sister and me to experience things in moderation and not let anything consume our lives. Not too much speech and drama, not too much swimming, not too much video games.

I became acutely aware that I was good at a lot of things, but I was never going to be the best at anything. And if you're not good enough to be the best, what's the point?

I have a really good voice. But it's never going to win American Idol.

I'm a very talented dancer. But I'm never going to win So You Think You Can Dance.

Cause I'm not good enough.

For years, I'd stop the sentence there. On this run, God spoke to me:

"If I wanted you to win the Olympics or TV talent competitions, I would have gifted you that way. No, you are not good enough to live someone else's destiny. But you are exactly good enough for your own calling. You and I are in this together. Give me your availability and commitment. I'll do the rest."

His love sees you, truly sees you, all of you.

And He says you're good enough.

For He is more than enough.

But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! - 2 Cor 12:9

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency]. - Phil 4:13

Be encouraged! Run well, with endurance! Know that God is good and faithful. Trust that He is giving you opportunities for adventure, and be observant enough to see that they may be in your own backyard.

A mere mortal

From the City of Angels

Livin his dream