the one about Dreams

So much has happened. I feel so cool to be in Los Angeles, no longer a student, living the dream.

Then again, nothing's happened, really.

It's weird--making this transition where, after 18 years of my life being filled with classes, I no longer have to be in school. After 2 1/2 years of my spiritual life being largely invested in AGO and USC's spiritual well-being, I no longer have that to pour into. After several years of studying acting, I'm now out in the industry. And after roughly 7 years of working, my only job right now is finding a job.

However, I now have an agent. ...Finally. Not just one that's representing me commercially, but theatrically too. One that's SAG/AFTRA franchised.

I also have put in probably about fifteen job applications at different places nearby, have had interviews at two different places and have a second interview at one of them tomorrow.

Plus, this weekend, I was the personal PA (production assistant) to the director of the musiCares benefit concert at the LA Convention Center--which allowed me industry experience and the privilege to be in the presence of music legends/greats like Neil Young, Sheryl Crow, Keith Urban, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Josh Groban, Tony Bennett, Lady Antebellum, Elton John, etc.

And I ordered new headshots.

So, steps in the right direction. Even though I don't feel like I've hit any real mile markers yet.

I guess I'm just coming to realize how much of the dream is me, working. I mean, Dad often says, "You can't do God's part, and He won't do your part." I just feel as though I've been working and waiting forever.

My friend slash fellow dancer, Kristy Cavinder, became the 1st runner-up in the Miss America pageant last night. She was sensational. Gorgeous. She's got amazing grades (as a pre-med student, not the easiest!), wants to be a pediatric heart surgeon, is the most spectacular ballet dancer I've ever personally seen, has loads of poise and self-confidence, and loves Jesus.

But she didn't win.

All that homework and practice and performing and studying and more practice.

And she hasn't... "arrived."

And that's a good thing. How sad would it be to have arrived at age 21? Where's the rest of one's life go?

So, good for her... and good for me, too. Pastor Matthew said today, "The only way to have longevity in your dream is to have confidence in the God of your dream." We constantly work and strive to protect and achieve our dreams, but the destination will never be reached and the journey's gonna pretty much suck without our confidence resting in Him.

Only

in

Him.

A mere mortal

From the City of Angels

Livin his dream

the one about Beginnings

*In this particular entry, I mean no offense to anyone, but I mince no words or feelings. Please read to the end and hear my heart.*

Zechariah 4:6, 10 "...It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies... Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin...”

Today, out of Christian duty, I finally watched the film Fireproof.

Hated it. Hated it. *Hated* it.

Well, love-hated it, actually. I loved laughing at it.

After which, my love turned to hate.

The Sherwood Picture is created by the Alex and Stephen Kendrick team that made Facing the Giants. Most of the cast for Giants was made of volunteer actors from Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. And for its $100,000 budget, it grossed over $10M. Not bad. From what I can tell, Fireproof wasn't much different in its production budget. Except it has Kirk Cameron starring instead of Alex Kendrick. *rolls eyes*

But amateur filmmakers + script with nauseating dialogue + Podunk actors = pitiful pandering

Adding a "Christian" label is a travesty of Christianity that, for me, spells embarrassment.

Crawl-in-a-hole,

embarrassed-to-be-a-Christian,

mortification.

Now, I get that the makers of the film aren't looking to earn any awards with their films. They're aiming to make a wholesome alternative entertainment for Christians. They aren't trying to turn heads in Hollywood.

But that's what's happening.

Whether or not the film is made for Christians, the secular world sees films like this and says, "What a joke! Christianity

is

a

joke."

And it sickens and aggravates me.

Now, of course the flipside to the coin is this: How did I expect them to do better? They truly and honestly did the very best with what they had. Thousands and thousands of families enjoyed these films.

You have to start somewhere.

And I don't have to defend God to the world.

Zechariah 4:6,10. I get all that. I get it. But as a Christian actor, I'm just not sure I can stomach it. Especially when there are films like Amazing Grace that are arguably equally as uplifting and faith-based.

So, *gets on knees* here's my foundational, pretty-pretty-please-take-heed advice for Christian filmmakers on a budget. I say this because it universally applies to film and theatre of all genres and all budgets:

Your first job MUST be to tell a story! NO EXCEPTIONS.

Stories can have Christian themes or messages. But messages--secular, Christian, or otherwise--disguised in film clothing fall flat, feel fake, pander.

Outside of that, I can't ask for anything else. I pray God uses Christian films to bring glory to His name. I pray that Christian filmmakers grow into excellence. I pray these humble beginnings see their victory in the end.

Until then (and this is a whole different topic), I can really only see myself being salt and light outside the church, not creating Christian films, but being Jesus to the film industry. But I certainly can't do that with a critical, unloving spirit in my heart.

Right? (;

A mere mortal

From the City of Angels

Livin his dream