the one about Adventure Now

I have a few recommendations for anyone who finds themselves in one of those days where you're sicky, or where the weather is blustery and you don't feel like reading (and who does?), or where you just want to enjoy a webseries.


First is "Dorm Life" (funny for anyone who went to college or ever had a roommate). Second is "Good Job, Thanks" (outrageously funny for actors and casting directors).


Third is "Adventure Now." Originally a film project for Fuge camps, each season follows a guy named Walt on his increasingly awesome adventures.


I see a quality in the lives of certain people that I desire. My actor friend from game night constantly has a new audition to prepare for, a new rehearsal to attend, a new state to fly to for filming a new movie. Another friend works for Coach Carroll and the Seahawks. Because of the nature of the sports world, every day at work brings him something different from the day before, a different place to travel to, different sights to see. Someone like Kari Jobe always has an exciting writing/recording session to tweet about, an exciting place to lead worship, an exciting new song to release.


Are you seeing the desirable quality here?


My life lacks a sense of adventure that I so desperately want.


I'm not saying I'm not on an adventure. "The kid moves away from the comfort of suburbia to pursue acting in Los Angeles" sounds like an adventure to a T. But when the two years since graduating college can be summed up in "has learned a lot but, if we're being pragmatic, is nowhere closer to an acting career"... then dang. The sense of the adventure isn't there.


I mean, if I were reading any sort of adventure story, I would want the book to start with more excitement than my life adventure story has started with.


I know that part of this problem is my attitude. I choose how to see my life, to an extent. But on the other hand, 


part of this is real.


Perhaps this is a quarter-life crisis--a problem inextricable from youth. I'm looking at my peers and freaking out. I'm looking at my parents' generation, thinking about where they were in their lives at my age, and freaking out more.


The truth is: I have a fear that my life won't be awesome. I know my life is blessed beyond comprehension. But after all the promises about destiny,


after all the prophecies about my life,


after everything I've hoped I would do,


after everything I know about the character of God,


I fear my life won't be as epic as I've dared to dream it will be... because it makes no sense to me why it doesn't yet look even a tiny bit like I think it should.


My dad recently showed me a new perspective. He reminded me that, as I figure out my cause, and if everything seems to be off to a slow start, there's satisfaction to be found in knowing that God is pleased with a son that is willing to be obedient. In some seasons, seeking Him is the only activity He's worried about.


All that's very true and very comforting, but as Stella Adler truthfully noted, "We get nervous when we don't have something to do." Pleased as God may be, it's part of my nature to feel unfulfilled in just being willing. Basically, now that I've dealt with my envy for other people's success, I'm left with an unfulfilled desire for a sense of adventure. What am I supposed to do with that?


Several months ago, my church announced that Dec 11 would be "Miracle Offering Sunday," meaning it'll be a day where you give an offering of a size that shows that your faith is expecting something miraculous. A few months ago, I felt God impress on my heart a monetary number that freaked me out. I've always been a tither, but this number for an offering above my tithe was probably 15 or 20 times the largest offering I've ever given. It was about equal to what I pay in rent each month.


So I started saving. In the last few weeks, I really sacrificed a lot of luxuries in order to have that much money ready by the 11th. I was a little short on Sunday, so I went to the ATM and withdrew what I needed to make the goal. I withdrew, almost literally, my last dollar.


Service was amazing, but I was nervous the entire time because I knew that the offering was happening at the end of service.


God, this is my rent money You're asking me to give. Just making sure that's clear.


God, don't you know that I won't be making that much money waiting tables this month?


God, I ain't gonna have no money for Christmas presents this year.


All these thoughts swirled through my mind until I walked to the front and left that money on the altar. I slowly walked back to my seat.


And I cried.


I cried so hard.


I'd never felt like such a scared little kid


desperately clinging to the belief that this is what God wanted me to do.


I prayed, Lord, I'm believing you for a lot of things, but mostly, I want a sense of adventure returned to my life.


I was largely distracted the rest of the day until someone at church, out of nowhere, handed me a check. He said he was blessed by me and knew that a lot of other families were also blessed by my servanthood, so he wanted to bless me back. Later that night, I opened the check and was shocked to find the check was for


double the amount I had given in the offering.


Two times the amount exactly.


I was freaking. A wave of divine assurance washed over me like never before. I hadn't really asked the Lord for money, but he had taken what I had given, doubled it, and given it back


on the very same day.


At the same time, He had reassured me of the adventure I'm on. I believe the sense of my unique adventure is 


on the way.


A mere mortal


From the City of Angels


Livin his dream

the one about Game Night

Movie! One word! One syllable! Short! Shorty! Small! Little kid! Sounds like "me"? Sounds like "you"? Sounds like "myself"? Half that? Sounds like "my"? Sounds like "self"? ELF!

One of the best things about being an actor and having actor friends is Game Night on Sunday nights. It's nothing complicated. Mostly you get to meet new people and play epic rounds of charades.

At Game Night a couple weeks ago, a good friend of mine was there. He and I met while we were both hosting at a restaurant near Beverly Hills one summer. This friend, fresh off a movie with Vivica Fox, has been extremely blessed in his acting career. He asked how my acting has been going.

"It's not," I stated dryly. "Why?" he asked, truly not understanding. I replied, "You have a really awesome agent and manager team that gets you auditions all the time. I don't." Then he asked me why I didn't have a good agent. Right, I thought, because I can just go out an get one that easy. This is already a kind of touchy subject (if you read the one about Relentlessness). Slightly annoyed, I asked him how to get a good agent. As if it was the most logical thing ever, he replies, "You go to agent showcases where good agents go."


We talked about the specifics of which showcase to attend the next day. And I plan on observing one next week. So this is a step in a direction that I haven't tried yet.


This friend is invested in my success and also an awesome Christian brother. Thing is, it can also seem to be a very discouraging person to have in your life.


I look at this friend


with virtually the same training as I have,


same age,


the same youthful energetic vibe,


who started in literally the same hosting restaurant job as me,


and I wonder what in the world is going on? I told someone later that ultimately, my problem isn't at all with my friend, but that it's with God. 


"God, why does it seem like you favor one son over the other? Why does your son over here have a career while your son Jonathan has been left 


frustrated and confused


for years?


God, what the hell?"


Turns out that I really needed to hear a sermon called Running on Envy.


Rarely do we hear anything about how dangerous envy is. It is sin crippling to our futures. It exposes a very wrong view of how we see ourselves and our Father.


For most of us, it's not that we aren't happy when others are successful. Our problem surfaces when others are more successful than we are.


Whoa! I'm better than she is. I work harder than he does. What I do is awesome compared to what they do. Why do they get that? What's going on?


See it? The wrong mindset? I did. Envy caused the religious leaders to have Jesus crucified. Christ, more righteous than the innocent Abel, came to take the place of the guilty Cain. I had to repent. I had to ask God to help me replace envy


with a confident contentment in having the approval of God.


"But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently." -- Paul, in Romans 8:25


A mere mortal


From the City of Angels


Livin his dream

the one about Relentlessness (part 1)

Youch. *grimaces*

About six weeks ago, I sat at a Starbucks in Santa Monica talking with a talent manager. (I know. #soLA, right?)

Until that point in time, I hadn't felt the pressing need to blog, because this "Christian Actor" hasn't been doing much acting.

Talk about frustrating.

To catch everyone up on my life since late February, I've joined the worship team at church (what a privilege and a blessing), begun attending a cold-reading workshop for actors and writers (super artsy), taken some casting director workshops, visited the east coast for my sister's college graduation, had an overall boring summer in which I took no vacations because I had no money, moved into a way cooler apartment, attended the wedding of my former roommate (thus the reason for needing to move into a way cooler apartment), won free Chick-fil-A for a year, and I've done a little laundry. Not necessarily in that order.

Getting to the point: it's sadly not too difficult to condense 270 days of my life into a paragraph.

For the most part, 2011 has largely felt like 2010 all over again... except this time, I'm coming up on *two* years out of college.

And all the unanswered questions

and frustrating feelings

and circumstances still not understood

that I *thought* would be resolved -- even if just a little bit --

require an exponentially growing amount of faith in the second year.

Now, if we're being practical, a large part of the reason that this year has felt like a fail is because my agent sucks. (I know a lot of actors say this or something similar, but my agency has got me a grand total of 2 auditions this year. Yeah......)

Dear agent: You're fired.

But of course, one cannot just go hire someone new. I've been in the process of finding new representation. I sent out 60-something postcards (have yet to hear back on those) ...and randomly ended up landing a meeting with this talent manager at Starbucks.

He told me A) that if I ever want auditions for any kind of half-hour comedy, I need some recognizable LA-based standup/improv/sketch training. USC is a great school, but won't cut it with the average casting director. He also told me B) that I'm in nowhere near good enough shape for television.

What?!

He said actors are losing jobs to underwear models, especially on shows and networks marketed to the young crowds. He said, "All the actors on those shows are ripped and shirtless in half their scenes. You're young. There's no reason you shouldn't have a 6-pack."

Youch.

Hard to hear. But okay. There's some truth in what he said, harsh as it was. I've never felt such real pressure to look a certain way in this industry.

A wise man once said in a highly inspiring book:

You will be criticized often. When it is off base, ignore it. When the criticism rings true, use it to improve what you do. Either way keep moving toward your cause.

So you know what? I started taking improv classes. And I'm hittin the gym like a manimal. Drinkin my protein. Being one of those guys.

Cuz if it makes me more capable of moving toward the cause within me, then it's valuable progress.

Take that, 2010.

A mere mortal

From the City of Angels

Livin his dream