the one about Steam

I never thought God would use the random Asian guy to grab my face and point it heavenward.

For the past couple months, I've wrestled with a lack of clear spiritual.... *squints eyes looking for the right word* ...task. You may have read my previous blogs and picked up that the transition out of college hasn't come easily to me. I don't wanna just work on my own spiritual growth.

I've lacked a certain... focus, I guess. And it made me feel disconnected. Just a little. Just enough to be slightly off-putting. This manifested itself for me in a weird spiritual haze.

I experienced a steam room recently (for the first time in a looooong time) at a bro's apartment complex. We were the only ones in the room and we sat at opposite corners. As the steam filled the room, it became more difficult to see him and, in the end, we could hardly see our feet much less the other person. However, the lines of communication were still 100% open. I knew he was there. I could hear him. He told me to look at the ceiling and breathe--which I couldn't do without coughing--and I could hear him laugh at me. But I couldn't see him.

I even went to the Dream Center and heard a very powerful message about taking time out specifically to do nothing except let God love me.

(That's one of the most difficult things ever. If you can, take five minutes to do nothing but let Him love you.

Don't apologize,

don't ask forgiveness,

don't renew failed commitments.

He knows all that. You'll work on it later.

Just let Him love you.

This five minutes could change your life.)

This time at church blew my mind, but I still felt somehow disconnected.

But tonight at AGO, there was a random Asian guy in the prayer room. (Eventually, I learned his name, but that's irrelevant right now.) He heard me singing a JB song and wanted to know if I was down for an impromptu jam/worship sesh. I was. He played guitar, suggesting that we start with an improv'd worship song. Already stoked at God's goodness (because I finally got a job! yeay! and because I had just finished leading the pledge class Bible study), the thankfulness in my heart for God's grace and faithfulness just poured out. Not like in the worship songs I've sung for the past two months. No, this was different. It took this unplanned, heartfelt worship to grab my face and walk me through the steam until I could clearly see the face of my Savior.

In this interim time, in this meantime, one task comes to the forefront: to focus on Christ. To adore Him and become more like him. Maybe this means ravenous reading of the Scriptures. Maybe this means writing songs and poems about how He makes me feel. Maybe this means doing some things that may draw some judgment from people I care about.

Whatever it takes... I'll do freakin anything to become more Christlike.

I never thought God would use the random Asian guy to grab my face and point it heavenward.

But He did.

Thanks, God.

(And thanks, random Asian guy.)

A mere mortal

From the City of Angels

Livin his dream