the one about the Card

It's black, gray and sunshine yellow. It's plastic. And it has my name on it.

And as I sit in the lobby of my apartment complex, having just plucked it from the mailbox, I'm holding it in my hand, fighting back tears.

My SAG card.

(Or, more accurately, my SAG-AFTRA card.)

The Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists is the world's largest and most respected performers' union. Among other things, the Union protects actors' safety and dignity on sets, it ensures minimum pay rates for performers and sees that they are paid, and it also sets up benefits for its members.

Chances are, you'd be hard-pressed to name an actor who's not in the Union, because virtually every actor you see in film or TV is in it. Getting your SAG card is a momentous occasion in every professional actor's career.

I have been eligible to join since February 2011. If we're doing the math, that's over eight years.

That's a long time.

So why'd it take me the better part of a decade to join? Two reasons...

First, becoming eligible is its own hurdle -- very tough for a lot of actors -- but coming up with the $3000 initiation fee has been the giant feat for me.

I'm sure it's no secret that life in Los Angeles is difficult and expensive. (I wrote a book about it!) Finding a job that pays well while minimizing living expenses enough to save $3K... that's near impossible. Now throw $70,000 in student loans on top of that.

Second, once you joined the Union, you're saying "no" to working non-union jobs. These jobs almost never pay as well as union work, however, common wisdom is "Don't join the Union until you have to." Work is work, and for an actor, there's little logic to precluding yourself from work, right?

So my plan was to audition until I booked a co-star or guest star on a union show or movie, which would by default require me to join and could simultaneously pay for a good portion (if not all) of that initiation fee.

But for over 3000 days, that job never came.

Over 3000 days, I auditioned for non-union work as my friends, roommates and colleagues joined the Union, got free movie screeners in the mail, talked about Union elections, and voted for the SAG Awards. Heck, one of my friends was nominated for a SAG Award. 

Over 3000 days, I had faith that God would help me book that union job I needed, prayed He'd miraculously free me of my debt, believed He'd provide the initiation fee.

But He didn't.

And 3000 days is a long time.

It's a long time to be living in LA, feeling like my career is passing me by.

After a few years, I start to wonder: Am I relegated to non-union work because my talent level just isn't there? Like, there must be a reason I'm not union yet. Right? Am I on a 50-year slow fade to failure?

A couple more years pass. Then a couple more. (Remember, we're talking years, here.)

3000 days is a long time to be wondering where God's goodness is.

So what gives? I don't even know how long ago I stopped asking God for His help in this area.

But here I am, holding the card. A couple weeks ago, I walked in the SAG-AFTRA offices, filled out my application, and authorized their $3116.29 charge to my credit card.

So what happened? And what have I learned?

The biggest change is that I've spent the last few years learning to let go of how I thought things we're going to look, what I thought life was going to be like. It's been an especially arduous process.

I had to let go of the romantic notion of booking a small-but-great role on a TV show for my ticket into the Union. I had to say to myself, "Y'know what? It's a desire of your heart to be in the Union. You should care less about the specifics of how it happens. You should save the money and join."

That mindset shift seems like a simple enough solution, except it's made infinitely complicated by an intense feeling of shame. Trying and failing to join the Union for eight years... that's a lot of failure. I often told myself that I must not deserve it yet.

So, believing I'm legit enough to let go of the idea of how I'd earn a place in the Union... Woof. I believed that membership in this exclusive actors' club would legitimize me. And perhaps it would have. But so does a new lens looking at my eight years of living the actor life.

In addition to the personal growth that it took, joining the Union also took finances. And the Father hooked. me. up.

Simply off a referral from a friend, I got a job managing the apartment complex where I live. So, I'm living rent-free in this season of life. In LA, that means I'm saving approximately $800-1000/month.

Property managing ain't easy, and it's not for everyone, but it means that I was able to save the initiation fee in just three months.

Here's what I hope you take away from this post: God is faithful.

God is faithful, even when our faith runs out and we give up and we stop praying. He gives us the desires of our heart out of His love for us, but for His glory, He does so in His own timing.

If I'm honest, a small part of me is still very peeved by His timing. To my brain, it's rude (at best). Nevertheless, this upcoming week being Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday), I'm going to be filled with gratitude for my membership in the Union and for this newfound fantastic opportunity to serve this acting community I love so much.

And I'm going to be thankful that I serve a God who is always...

Always ALWAYS... Faithful.

A mere mortal

From the City of Angels

Livin his dream